Wanting Mom

Theo at the piano

         Yesterday I got to spend a few hours with my grandson, Theo, in his home. This semester he and I get together on Monday and Wednesday afternoons in the nursery of the church where his mother has her piano studio and teaches lessons. But yesterday we had to meet at their house instead because Theo’s car-seat was in Dad’s car instead of Mom’s, and Dad was at class, so Theo had to stay home while Amanda went to teach.

         When I walked in the door, Theo was standing at their upright piano, and Amanda was close by, making sure he didn’t fall and whack his head on the wood of the piano. They both smiled when they saw me, but then Theo’s face scrunched up and he wanted to cry. He has learned to equate my presence with his Mom’s absence – if I was there, then Mom was going to leave- just like at the studio. And, truth be told, Theo would much rather hang out with his mother.

         Amanda gave him a kiss and said, “I always come back!” As she walked out the door, Theo started the waterworks. He let me hold him as he cried. And the tears didn’t last long because Theo was distracted by the piano again, and I sat close by as he reached up with both hands and pressed the keys. Theo liked that. Then he pointed to the right end of the keyboard – I helped him move over, and he pressed the keys – the high notes. Theo cocked his ear, looked at me and smiled!      

         Oh, to be able to hold that moment!

         My stories about Amanda present and past usually focus on her independence. I have been known to say that the moment Amanda was born it was as if she looked at us and said, “hey thanks for everything up till now, but I can take it from here!” And Amanda has always totally amazed me!

         There were a few occasions, however, when Amanda was as attached to me as Theo now is to her. And how I hold those moments too!

         When Amanda was born, we were living in Oklahoma and attending one of the Presbyterian churches in town. Usually it was just two-year-old Sarah and me going to church, and the women there asked if I wanted to drop Sarah off at Tiny Tots during the week?  It was in the church nursery on most weekdays – preschoolers past the age of two could come and do crafts and songs and give parents a break to go for groceries or etc. As I recall, I think it went from 10 in the morning until 2:30 in the afternoon, and we could just show up!

         At first I was not going to take advantage of the offer of childcare for church members, after all, I had waited for thirty years to have kids, why would I be eager to be rid of either of them for any part of the day? But then, of course, it occurred to me that it would be good for Sarah to mingle with other kids and learn a few things without me. And it would also be nice for me to go shopping with only Amanda to worry about once in a while.

         Then the women of the church said that Tiny Tots would also watch younger-than-two children if the parent was involved in something going on at the church at the time. Well, I had been attending the women’s group at the church before Amanda was born. I have come to realize in all my years since then that I am not comfortable in most women’s groups at the churches we’ve attended. Not anyone’s fault but mine, of course – my own social awkwardness mostly. But I have fond memories of the women’s group in Bartlesville, and so when they invited me to keep coming to their meetings after Amanda was born, I thought I’d give it a try.

         One Wednesday morning, I took both girls to Tiny Tots, signed them in, and then walked upstairs to the women’s group meeting. About an hour went by. And then suddenly the teacher from Tiny Tots was at the door of the room with a hysterically crying Amanda in her arms!

         The teacher said she did not want to disturb the meeting or disrupt my morning free of children, but Amanda had been crying from the moment I left the Tiny Tots room!

         Oh my gosh! Oh the teacher was so apologetic about not being able to calm Amanda down. And I was busy apologizing for putting the teacher through so much – for a whole hour! It would have been no problem to have brought Amanda sooner, say five minutes or even less! No one had done anything wrong; it was just my little one wanting her Mom.

         Eventually Amanda realized that her mother always comes back. And eventually, at age 4 and a half, we even got her a piano!

10 20180206 Wanting Mom